Healing is Not Linear – and That’s Okay

“Healing is Not Linear – and That’s Okay” is a deeply personal exploration of the complexities of recovery from trauma, abuse, and mental health challenges. In this blog, I share my journey of beginning to heal, confronting past trauma, and navigating the setbacks and progress that don’t always feel like forward movement. Using personal experience and insights from The Body Keeps the Score, the blog explains why healing is not a straight path, how setbacks are part of progress, and how trauma can resurface unexpectedly. It highlights strategies like therapy, peer advocacy, holistic practices, physical activity, self-help, and trauma-focused approaches. Readers will gain an understanding of how setbacks are a natural part of recovery, the role of coping skills, and the importance of individualized approaches to healing. This blog emphasizes that every step forward—no matter how small—is meaningful and that with persistence, support, and self-compassion, freedom, peace, and growth are possible.

Table of Contents

• Introduction

• Why Healing Isn’t Linear

• Factors Impacting Healing

• Strategies and Pathways for Healing

• Conclusion

Introduction 

The first time I genuinely thought about healing and what it would look like, I felt incredibly intimidated. The healing process and everything it involved seemed like Mount Everest. I felt unprepared as I gazed up at the massive undertaking. I had spent my life surviving, and each experience of abuse was like being thrown into an ocean without any protection. So I learned to carry scuba gear with me—survival thought patterns and behaviors that kept me afloat in that ocean of abuse. But as I considered climbing the Mount Everest of healing, I was still wearing that scuba gear, weighed down by coping mechanisms that were no longer serving me. It seemed impossible to climb the mountain. I believed I had been too abused, experienced too much trauma, would be trapped in abusive relationships, and was far beyond hope. I was convinced that healing from the abuse I had survived was impossible and that I would suffer in agony for the rest of my life.

Yet, I began to heal. It started with learning coping skills and trying to make logical sense of the traumatic experiences. I wasn’t ready to do all the work involved in fully healing my pain. At the same time, I was still actively experiencing abuse while taking my first steps toward healing. That was discouraging—how could I heal when I was still trying to survive? My therapist focused on helping me manage present challenges and cope with the symptoms of mental illness. Before I could heal from past traumas, I needed to learn how to navigate current challenges. Before I could heal my mental health, I needed to develop the strategies and tools that would prepare me to do the deeper work required for true healing.

Healing is not linear. It is not a one-size-fits-all checklist with explicit instructions on how to heal. Healing is not a staircase where you take one step up at a time and continue climbing upward. It is not a straight and narrow path with limited options. Lastly, healing does not have a deadline; there is no final destination where you are “fully healed.”

Healing is an ongoing journey with many paths. It includes progress in some areas but not in others, as well as barriers, setbacks, pauses, and dead ends. It encompasses high points with bright, sunny days and beautiful views, as well as thunderstorms and earthquakes that cause you to tumble backward and seek cover. Healing is a lifelong journey that doesn’t end after a single accomplishment. Every step along the way is progress, no matter where you start or if you fall and must climb back up to where you were.

Why Healing Isn’t Linear

Healing isn’t linear for many reasons. In The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk explains that trauma is not just a psychological event but also a physiological one. Traumatic experiences are stored in the body and nervous system, often outside of conscious awareness. This means that even if someone believes they have “moved on,” unresolved trauma can resurface later in life as physical tension, emotional dysregulation, flashbacks, or involuntary behavioral patterns. Progress in healing may feel steady at times, only for sudden setbacks or intense reactions to emerge—not because the person has failed, but because the body is processing deep-seated experiences at its own pace. Additionally, trauma memories and lingering pain can be triggered by new traumatic events or major life stressors later in life.

Take, for example, a parent who is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. This parent may no longer think about the memories or display outward PTSD symptoms. They may have suppressed their own pain from the experience and avoid thinking about it entirely. Yet, when they learn that their child has experienced sexual abuse and observes the child expressing emotional distress and PTSD symptoms, the parent may also experience PTSD and distress from recalling their own experiences. This is one reason some parents struggle to appropriately support their child through sexual abuse—the parent is unable to manage their own mental health in the context of their trauma. Some parents may even deny their child’s experiences or neglect their emotional needs because they cannot face the painful reality of what happened. When parents do this, they inadvertently harm their child, often causing additional trauma due to their inability to cope effectively with both their own trauma and its impact on their child. Unfortunately, parents who struggle in this way can perpetuate the generational cycle of violence and abuse.

Some people live with PTSD for years without recognizing it or seeking professional support. Some symptoms may occur only occasionally, making the PTSD seem less severe—for example, reactions to anniversaries of a traumatic event or flashbacks triggered by someone whose appearance resembles that of an abuser. During abuse, the brain may dissociate, which can block the memory of the event. Yet later in life, these memories can resurface and cause distress across many areas of a person’s life. A child who experiences abuse may cope by denying it, only to be re-traumatized if they experience similar abuse as an adult. Retraumatization can also occur through extreme triggers, such as hearing another person describe surviving the same type of abuse. Finally, someone may develop effective coping skills for PTSD but later outgrow those strategies, finding them ineffective, which can increase distress and require learning new coping skills.

Setbacks don’t mean failure. In this context, setbacks can include repeating unhealthy behaviors, a recurrence or relapse in addiction, regression of mental illness, pausing or avoiding progress in a particular area or challenge, experiencing intense emotional reactions, PTSD symptoms, loss of motivation or interest in progress, or conflicts with others. Setbacks are learning experiences that can be used as a tool to make further progress because they provide feedback on what thoughts, strategies, behaviors, or coping skills are not working and draw attention to the area that needs work. Through reflection, people can identify triggers, behavior, and thought patterns, or obstacles they hadn’t noticed previously. It may indicate the need to revisit what someone thought was fully healed but needs more attention to process on a deeper level. Then they can develop new strategies or refine existing skills, or begin to focus attention on healing that specific emotional wound or unresolved trauma. Setbacks offer insight, help guide our healing journey, and build resilience through overcoming the setback.

The addiction recovery community often recognizes that a relapse or recurrence with the substance or behavior is a natural part of recovery. This is because addiction is a chronic condition that impacts the brain chemically, affects thinking patterns, and influences behavior. This concept can also apply to mental illness and healing from trauma. In my healing journey, I have experienced many setbacks. At times, I felt like I was starting over from the beginning whenever I had a setback, as if all of my hard work and progress meant nothing and I would never be successful at healing. My recovery coach challenged this perspective. She described my healing as a road trip from NYC to Niagara Falls. If my car has a flat tire in Albany, I don’t get it towed back to NYC; I take a break in the nearest town and get a new tire there. Then I continue on my trip. This road trip analogy demonstrates that setbacks don’t negate the progress made. And even if you regress and feel like you’ve gone backward, it still doesn’t erase the progress because now you know the way forward.

Factors Impacting Healing 

Many factors impact healing, and a person’s trauma history plays a major role. The number of traumatic events experienced, their duration, type, and the age at which they occurred all influence how someone processes and recovers from trauma. The level of support a person has—both at the time of the traumatic event and in the present—also affects their healing journey. Research shows that healthy social support can significantly improve a person’s ability to cope with mental health challenges. Additionally, ongoing trauma or major life stressors can make it difficult to shift from a survival mindset to one that supports healing and growth. Access to community resources—whether professional, clinical, or holistic—can enhance healing by providing guidance, support, and tools for recovery.

Cultural perspectives also shape how trauma is understood and addressed. Different cultures have varying beliefs about what constitutes trauma, appropriate responses, and what healing should look like. Some cultures may not fully recognize the profound impact of traumatic experiences and may expect individuals to continue daily life without acknowledging the pain, which can further complicate the healing process.

Lastly, coping skills play a critical role in healing. There is an unlimited range of strategies across different categories, including mindfulness, creative expression, physical activity, social connection, problem-solving, self-compassion, relaxation techniques, and spiritual or faith-based practices. However, people are often unaware of the diversity of available strategies or may feel discouraged when a particular approach doesn’t work. Everyone has unique coping skills, and what works for one person may not work for another. Even effective coping skills may not always provide the full relief needed, which is why it is important to explore multiple strategies and identify those that are most supportive for each individual.

When I first considered healing, I imagined specific milestones, dramatic breakthroughs, and easily identifiable accomplishments. So, when I went an extended period without a major accomplishment in my healing, I felt as though I wasn’t making progress—especially while struggling with my mental health and life stressors. I had to learn that, more often than not, progress is subtle and may seem indirect or even irrelevant. So what does healing that doesn’t feel like progress look like? It can include crying, setting boundaries that feel uncomfortable, recognizing unhealthy patterns in your support system, feeling anger about past trauma, focusing on one area of growth while another remains unaddressed, taking breaks from processing, or making small, seemingly insignificant steps.

Strategies and Pathways for Healing

There are many strategies and pathways to healing, and it’s important to remember that everyone’s journey is unique. Some categories of healing strategies include, but are not limited to, professional services, peer advocate support, holistic services, physical activity, and self-help. Some people find that one or two categories are sufficient for them, while others utilize strategies from multiple categories. In my healing journey, I have found that I experience the most growth and progress when I engage with several strategies simultaneously.

Professional services are a valuable resource in supporting healing. Clinical and therapeutic providers are specifically trained to assist individuals in processing trauma and recovering from diverse experiences. Some of these professional services include mental health counseling (therapy), trauma-focused therapy (EMDR, CBT), medication, crisis intervention and hotlines, and case management or advocacy services. I have been in clinical therapy since adolescence, and it has brought me tremendous healing, progress, and guidance toward other categories of healing. I worked with several therapists during my adolescence—some I connected with, and some I did not. Many people turn away from clinical therapy due to negative experiences. Unfortunately, not all therapists are proficient, and some may unintentionally cause harm or simply not be a good fit. It’s important to recognize this and not allow one experience with a therapist to prevent pursuing therapy with another. My current therapist is a specialist in my specific type of trauma and mental illness. Finding someone educated and experienced in my areas of need has had a tremendous impact on the effectiveness of therapy. In my healing journey, having access to therapy is a blessing that I view as a responsibility to utilize in order to further my recovery.

Peer advocate support is highly effective in inspiring someone to have confidence in their healing capability. A peer advocate is someone who has lived experience with mental illness, addiction, trauma, systems involvement, or other life experiences shared by the person they are working with. Peer advocates are trained to use their lived experience to mentor, coach, teach skills, build connectedness, and more. Some peer advocacy activities include participating in support groups, mentorship programs focused on recovery or coping, peer-led workshops or skill-building sessions, and one-on-one coaching or check-ins. Peer advocacy makes a big impact on healing by providing guidance, understanding, and hope from someone who has successfully navigated similar challenges, helping individuals feel seen, supported, and empowered in their own journey.

Holistic services are healing approaches that focus on the whole person—body, mind, and spirit—rather than only addressing symptoms. Some examples include, but are not limited to, yoga or movement therapy, meditation and mindfulness practices, acupuncture or massage therapy, body-centered practices, and faith-based practices. Holistic healing approaches have been instrumental for my healing. I have found trauma-informed yoga to be extremely healing in reclaiming autonomy over my body and finding safety within it. If I could afford to get a weekly massage, I would! Massages relax my body so deeply, and finding a massage therapist who makes me feel safe, respected, and cared for is crucial. My faith and religious beliefs have profoundly advanced my healing. I have found restoration, comfort, peace, and renewal through my faith, which has motivated healing in areas I had previously neglected or never thought I could address. For me, holistic strategies have been just as valuable as clinical professional services in supporting my recovery.

Physical activity has been scientifically proven to have a positive impact on healing, specifically due to the beneficial chemicals released during exercise. Physical activity can include, but is not limited to, walking, jogging, swimming, weight training, sports, group fitness classes, dance, and hiking. When the body is physically active, the brain releases endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine. These chemicals impact the brain’s reward and stress regulation systems, resulting in improved mood, reduced anxiety and depression, and greater emotional resilience. Regardless of the activity, being physically active positively affects mental health, emotional wellness, and the overall progress of healing.

Many individuals utilize self-help strategies to support their healing. Self-help can be diverse and tailored to what a person considers independent healing work. It includes referencing books, such as healing workbooks, mental illness recovery workbooks, or memoirs and autobiographies by others with similar experiences. Self-help strategies also include journaling and creative expression, such as painting, writing poetry, music, dance, and sculpting. Some people also utilize guided meditation resources, like YouTube videos or phone apps, to develop mindfulness and coping skills. I have personally utilized multiple self-help strategies, and reading autobiographies and following healing workbooks has been especially significant in helping me process my experiences, gain insight, and take actionable steps toward recovery. When combined with other healing strategies, self-help can empower individuals to actively engage in their recovery and foster personal growth.

As a survivor of trauma and abuse, I needed more than the previously listed categories for healing. I needed strategies specifically for healing trauma. An important aspect of healing trauma is being able to process the experiences safely. This may include journaling about the experience and how it makes you feel. It also includes engaging in trauma-focused clinical therapy such as EMDR, which is a clinical approach that assists someone in processing a traumatic memory through guided eye movements and bilateral stimulation. EMDR is effective because it helps the brain reprocess traumatic memories, reducing their emotional intensity and allowing the person to integrate the experience in a healthier way. I’ve also had to learn to reframe memories and experiences, considering them from different perspectives. Reducing my sense of guilt, shame, and responsibility was highly important in healing trauma. Some people find participating in trauma healing or restorative events helpful, such as workshops, summits, retreats, and conferences. Addressing trauma, processing it, and healing from it is a gradual process that can take months or even years. Yet dedicating the time and effort to heal from trauma can lead to freedom, happiness, and peace.

Conclusion

Healing isn’t linear—and that’s okay. It doesn’t always look like big breakthroughs or dramatic changes, but the small steps you take every day add up to meaningful progress. Whether it’s setting a boundary, practicing a coping skill, or simply allowing yourself to feel, each step moves you forward. Healing is possible, no matter what happened to you, how long it lasted, how severe it was, or how much pain you still carry. With time, support, and perseverance, you can build a life that is healthy, happy, successful, and fulfilling.